Confessions

I think my story is the story of zillions of other young women.
I was always overweight as a child. I was being bullied at school for being bright, but when they ran out of things to make fun of in that respect, they'd pull out their last dig and say: "you're fat!" Well, I was so miserable that this didn't bother me. I had a feeling that even if I were at a healthy weight I'd still be teased for being bright and "weird", so didn't care much about my weight. I had asthma, and so tended to be wrapped in cotton wool when it came to sports, which I was also terrible at. I was pretty much a walking Hollywood movie cliche: the nerdy, loner, fat kid who can't play sports and has trouble making friends.

Things got worse in high school. More bullying, more isolation. In one incident, a so-called 'friend' got me to write in her friendship book, and at the end of the entry we were supposed to draw a self portrait. I just drew a stick figure because I couldn't be bothered drawing anything else. The next time I looked at her friendship book, somebody had taken my stick figure and drawn double chins, a big belly, etc. I was so ashamed. Although I must say, that particular memory serves as motivation when I really can't be bothered exercising!

And I did comfort eat. I'd not eat at school because I knew no matter what I put in my mouth, the girls would all laugh at me and say; "she's fat, what's she eating THAT for?". But then I'd pretty much binge whenever I had the chance. I'd buy a huge bag of chips and a giant block of chocolate and swallow my feelings and loneliness. To make matters worse, in my final year at high school I had a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide. I'd like to say I turned my life around but it would take a few more years for that to happen.

The turning point for me in this whole crazy journey was when I was looking for work and was at my heaviest. I put on a pair of trousers I hadn't worn in a while and my mum said; "oh bubs, you can't wear those...they're too tight." And the tone in her voice was despairing. I suddenly decided that I couldn't wait any longer. I saw a naturopath to deal with my energy issues, and started to eat healthy, counting calories and exercising every day. Within two years I got down to 120lbs/52kg. That sounds quite light, but I'm incredibly short so that is a healthy weight for me. I couldn't believe I'd done it.

But then....I decided to go to university and get my Bachelor of Arts. I was so stressed that healthy eating and exercise went by the wayside and well...you can imagine how things are now. It's not so much the weight that bothers me, but the awful side-effects of not looking after myself- bad skin, tired all the time, my knees hurt from having to support all of that extra weight.

I have lots of reasons to get to goal and to stay there. Firstly, I will be graduating soon and want to enter the workforce looking my best. There is also the little issue of graduation. I want to look radiant and healthy in my photographs! I also have a fitness goal in mind- I want to run the local 5km marathon which is run this time every year. Every year I say I will train for it, every year I fail. This time, I want to get my weight down to make training easier and just DO it.

New Beginnings

So this is a new beginning. Bring on the trumpets!
This is my diet blog. I have decided to document my journey, mainly for myself, as a way of keeping sane throughout the process. If others choose to join me in this journey-great! If I can be of support to people who are on this journey with me, even better.

I want to stress from the outset that this is a fad diet-free zone! My reasons for losing weight are mostly for health reasons, and in actual fact the weight loss is less important than getting myself back into regular exercise and healthy eating. It's more an 'added bonus'. I won't say it's not a tempting bonus, I know I'd love to get back into my skinny jeans again, but I have early onset osteoporosis and I can guarantee that my cholesterol is off the charts right now. So I want to be fit, healthy, full of energy and well again! You won't see me doing something ridiculous like the cabbage soup diet, or exercising to exhaustion. Nor will you see me dying to be ridiculously thin. I like my curves!

No, this is mostly a path back to greater wellness. It's also a way to explore some of the issues behind my emotional eating. So if you want to come on this journey- all aboard! You are most welcome.