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I have been absent from this blog for a while. Have I lost an extravagant amount of weight? Heeelll no. A little thing called a 7.2 earthquake in September, begging a new job and then having to leave said job put paid to any ambitions to be svelte. And then there's Christmas. Ugh.
My wake-up call was when I saw a picture of myself taken at Christmas and realised how much I'd really let myself go! I think sometimes you need those short, sharp shocks.
My family has been very supportive in my newly revived efforts to downsize. My mum bought me a goggles and snorkel set so I could swim laps (I can't swim properly so the snorkel eliminates the need to practice my breathing), and my partner is paying half of my 3-month multi-membership at the local pool, which includes access to their gym, the pool, spa and sauna, as well as their AquaFit classes. My parents and I also did a temporary swap of exercise equipment- they have borrowed my elliptical and I have borrowed their exercycle. Which means at the very least if I want to watch telly I can hop on it and then do weights during the commercial breaks!
I'm planning on starting January 1st, which seems defeatist because how many people start diet and exercise plans on that day and fail? But with the support of my friends and family I want to make it a habit. Skinny jeans, here I come!
Tomorrow there is a potluck lunch for a colleague who is leaving. I was unsure of what to bring, so I opted to buy a packet of ready-to-bake sausage rolls. If I were my mum, I'd have made them from scratch. It suddenly hit me how...removed I am from food.
Let me explain.
Throughout most of my childhood I had the benefit of knowing about where my food came from. The first three years of my life were spent on a farm and orchard, so I knew that fruit came from trees and plants, and I knew that the animals in the fields would most probably end up on the dinnertable. My mum made her own bread.
As I got older and we moved from the farm to urban life, I still had the benefit of knowing where most of my food came from. We had a garden, and might I say very proudly that it was organic. To this day my mum still has incredibly rich soil thanks to composting, and bugs are kept at bay by birds who do their work and also benefit from the occasional fat worm when mum turns the soil. I grew up with the joy of shucking peas from their pods and watching our massive pumpkin patch grow to such a yield that often mum would end up giving a pumpkin to anyone who came to the door! She bakes all her own baking, makes her own jam, etc.
So how was it that I rebelled against the bounty of nature so spectacularly? I live out of packets, there are ingredients on said packets that would never be found in nature. I don't bake, and sadly there is no room for an organic garden in our little shoebox backyard. It makes me sad. I know it's not good for my health either.
I know I haven't written for the longest time...my bad...but in my defense I have spent most of the month of September dealing with a 7.1 quake and several hundred aftershocks...so...yes.
The quake definitely had an impact on the way I eat. So too did starting a new job one week before the quake hit. The stress of both incidents coinciding meant any healthy habits were thrown out the window. Not to mention the fact that the cafe next door to my work sells the yummiest food!!!
I've been so stressed out from these events that I took to a LOT of comfort eating. But my body has seriously had enough. Thankfully the weather is moving towards summer here, which means longer, lighter, warmer days. I'm aiming to start walking home from work every day next week and also having an evening walk after dinner in the park because I can guarantee I'm not fit enough to re-launch into a heavy-duty fitness regime.
I'm sadly at my heaviest, BUT I have been dressing very nicely despite my larger size. I think I look incredibly snazzy at work, and thankfully I've found that when you find a cut that flatters or something that fits well, you buy that item in different colors or patterns! I've taken to wearing skirts which is something I've never really done but I do so because they are flattering for me and comfortable. If it wasn't for the fact that my health is so bad right now, I would stay the size I am. But unfortunately I am having health problems related to my size so I need to start getting back to health.
Another reason for me to commit to a more healthy lifestyle is cancer. Thankfully I don't have it, but recently my friends and their families have been having to deal with this killer disease and I don't want to be another statistic. So I'm going to do everything I can to cut my risk of cancer.
I feel positive. I know that it's going to be slow progress, especially because I am an emotional eater and a sugar addict, but I know I will get there and feel better for it.
The other day I had to do something I haven't had to do in ages- look for nice clothing for a particular event. For the past two and a half years I've practically lived in sweats, and as I'm writing this, guess what I'm wearing? LOL. So it turns out that I am a size 18 in the top and a size 16 on bottom. Cue the self-loathing and general bad feeling. But now I know! And I did manage to find some very nice clothes anyway.I've been very cranky and apart from the stress of life I had no idea why. Then I suddenly realised...ohhhh yes. The first two weeks of dieting make me cranky. It's my body rebelling against healthy eating and hating me for it. So I just have to ride it out and hope for the best.
So, this week has been stressful but I have been pretty good food-wise...to a point. I will admit to an Oreo binge after a pretty bad day at work on Monday, but it was 6 Oreos, not a whole packet. On Tuesday I started working out again, and while my fitness is still not what I want it to be, I'm building it up. I worked out again on Wednesday.
I weighed myself this morning and I had...put on a kilo. WHAAAAAATTTT?!?!?!?!?! I've been so vigilant with my diet (apart from the slip-up), so it was bewildering. But then I recall something I saw on the Dr Oz show and he said that after exercising you can hold water for up to about three days so might be heavier because of it. That's never happened to me before but it's entirely possible. And besides, the scales aren't that accurate- you can lose a pound just by having a decent poop!
So I will start taking my measurements as well because that's more important than a number on the scales.
So, I managed to have a fit catch-up with my friend R yesterday. Yes, we thoroughly enjoyed a delicious lunch of curry and naan with rice (I had garlic naan but I figure with it being winter here I'm building up my immunity naturally) and for the next two hours afterwards we walked through town, looking in shops, which is a great way to pass the time and keep moving!This morning I looked in my closet for clothes to wear to work, and as I was doing so my eyes fell upon my size 12 jeans. I tried one pair on, but it has a different cut and so didn't fit. But another pair that was relaxed fit I managed to pull right up, I just couldn't do up the button or zip. A few inches off my belly and voila! So that is very motivating.R.I.P cucumber that died in my fridge, freezing to death only a few days after I bought it. That's the problem with veggies with a high water content I suppose.Tomorrow I am aiming for a high-energy workout, since I don't have work and due to work stress I am desperately needing to burn off the frustration!
So, I have great news! I have lost 3kgs (about 4.5lbs) this week. I know I probably won't continue losing that amount each week- usually the first week of dieting my body goes; "what are you DOING to me?!?!?" and responds by losing a bunch of weight. In celebration I bought myself a Tinkerbell bracelet as a reward. The pixie dust bottle reads: "sprinkle and think happy thoughts." I thought it was fitting not just on my journey to goal but for life in general. It was a little bit extravagant as a weight loss reward, but from now on when I have lost weight in 5kg increments I will buy a bead for my charm bracelet. So with that said, I only have 2kgs to go before I can buy a charm, and I have been eyeing up a silver owl charm bead because I am obsessed with owls.
I will admit to having Burger King for dinner last night, but I will call that my 'cheat meal' for the week. I'm also going out for lunch with a good friend on Sunday, but then for the rest of the week I will be saintly. :)
I have been feeling sore from my workouts and I have hurt my bad ankle so I have been very gentle on myself when it comes to working out. Yesterday I walked to town to get some extra incidental exercise in, and on Sunday once we've finished our lunch I have no doubt that my friend and I will do a lot of walking. After all, we want to go to an art supply store which is right down the opposite side of town, plus I'll be walking from my place to the restaurant, which will take about 20 minutes, and then walking back home. I may get up early that morning and sneak in a quickie workout as well.
I'm keeping positive, and feeling so much better for eating healthier. My diet revolves around fruits and vegetables with lean proteins like chicken and eggs. I can still have the odd home-made curry because I have learned to make my favorites without cream, salt or sugar and packed with spices. I blitz through some frozen spinach as well to up my veggie quotient!
Yesterday I started my workouts again. Problem being, I am so used to being super-fit that I was surprised at just how unfit I was after not exercising for a while! I sadly only managed 12 minutes of kickboxing, but I'm determined to get my fitness up. One thing's for sure, I am feeling it today! I am very sore in the thighs and butt, but at least you know it's working. ;-)
I suddenly understand why processed food tends to be the path of least resistance in modern life!
I went to the fridge this morning to make up a salad to go with dinner and found that my cucumber was a soggy, frozen...thing. My bag of cos lettuce was no better but I did managed to salvage a few leaves from it. With fresh food, you have to eat it fresh. If it's dying in your fridge, it means you're not eating it fast enough! I know when I'm eating healthy I am constantly having to replenish my fruits and vegetables many times during the week.
Thankfully, help is at hand because a new fruiterer has opened up five minutes away from my house! The prices seem reasonable and I'd rather buy from the grower (which this fruiterer is) than from the supermarket who can up the prices of fresh fruit and veg big-time.
I have contemplated vegetarianism, except...I'm fussy. When it comes to vegetables I have a VERY limited palate. In fact, in order to up my nutrients, I quite often will blitz a handful of frozen spinach in my tabletop blender and mix it in with whatever I'm cooking because I can't stand the stuff! But I'm trying. Lately there's been so much illness going around and I have had so little energy that now I'm trying to boost myself up with as many nutrients as I can, while looking after my weight. And it's not that hard, really. But I have to really plan my meals in advance so that I do end up using those fresh vegetables and so that they don't go to waste. Once that becomes more of a habit it shouldn't be so hard.
I was reading a blog recently where a blogger was debating whether or not to get a gym membership. The whole issue of exercise, and 'to gym or not to gym' is a very complex and personal one. Some people become dedicated gym-goers and absolutely love gym sessions, some, like myself, hate the gym.
That's not to say I haven't tried...I've tried being a gym bunny...four separate times with four separate gym memberships. It's just not for me. I don't particularly enjoy having to wait for equipment, spray it down after I use it, and if you are in a co-ed gym the smell can be quite appalling. I don't like lugging my gear around until I can go to the gym. But that's me. There are definite benefits to getting a gym membership, but ONLY if you are going to make a concerted effort to turn up!
When I got down to my goal weight, I did it without the benefit of a gym membership. It's all the other years that I got a gym membership and didn't use it that I didn't make progress. Your personality, likes and dislikes can determine how effective your workout plan is. For me, I found that going on long power walks and doing aqua aerobics and then progressing to harder workouts at home on DVD worked miracles. But you may find that the gym is ideal for you, especially if you have trouble getting a workout in at home. I know that for many mums an hour at the gym is a perfect chance at 'me time', and it may be easier for you to go straight from work to the gym before you go home for the evening.
For beginners to exercise, I recommend the 'cheap-as-chips' home gym option. No, I'm not talking expensive machines. If you have access to a local park or if you are even luckier and have access to the beach, you have a great place for a power walk. Stairs can provide a great platform for a range of different toning and cardio exercises.
My home gym is a bit more expensive but I have found it invaluable. I have a swiss ball, which is excellent for advanced crunches and other exercises. I have a pair of 1lb and 5lb weights, and a resistance band which is excellent. And finally in my arsenal I have a range of different workout DVDs because I can chop and change and do workouts I want to do when I want to do them, and change them up if I get bored. I love the 10-Minute-Solutions and Quick-Fix range of DVDs because you get a range of 10-minute workouts that you can either do all at once, or in effective 10 minute segments. This is great if you have little snippets of time in the day instead of a big chunk of time.
Also, sometimes you can get some excellent freebies from magazines! Twice I have gotten free workout DVDs from fitness magazines. Keep your eyes peeled for these occasional freebies when you do your weekly grocery shop.
But most importantly...incidental exercise! Stairs, walking, all that functional fitness we should be doing every day anyway. All the incidental exercise adds up, and believe me, when I stopped taking the stairs and walking short distances I packed on the pounds. Every bit of exercise helps in the long run!
Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. Repeatedly. And with gusto.
Okay, maybe not...but the past few weeks haven't exactly aided in my weight loss efforts. My partner got a secondary infection from his flu which meant he was back home, sick again and I was running around like a mad march hare. Plus my new work hours have started and I was nowhere near as prepared (in terms of food) as I should have been.
And now, dear friends, I have caught the flu myself.
So I am not beating myself up about not being 'on the ball' as it were when it comes to healthy eating and exercise. I'm just riding this out until I can get better, and eating as healthy as I can given my condition. The mind is very very willing but the body is being uncooperative!
So, I have to confess to pizza on Monday night. BUT that was because I have been running around looking after my sick partner and was sick of cooking. And the very next day I was back to my healthy diet. I did get a case of the grumblies last night, and went a liiiittle bit over my calorie allowance, but not by much. I'm starting to feel a bit better now too. I haven't got LOADS of energy but I feel a bit more alert. I haven't weighed myself yet, I figure I needed a week to re-adjust to being back on healthy eating before I did a preliminary weigh. Besides, I am also taking measurements because sometimes the scales don't tell you the whole picture. I know that before, there have been some weeks where I have lost nothing on the scales but gone and measured myself and I've lost 4cm all round!
I haven't started exercise yet, but I intend to shortly. I like exercise, which is great, but I know my fitness will be WAY down. So I'll start with a 45 minute walk around the local park and weights and resistance work and then move onto hardcore workouts.
These are my goal jeans. They are a NZ size 10/US size 8, and believe it or not I used to fit these! I remember the first time I tried them on and they fit, and I also remember (because they are skinny jeans) that I felt a little bit naked. My friend K called them my 'nakey jeans'.
Eventually, I want to fit them again. But along the way down dress sizes I will definitely do what I haven't done and which was probably part of my downfall- I will get rid of the bigger sizes as I go! Because then if you have only clothes that will fit you at that size, you're less tempted to slack off and go up a size. At least that's the theory.
I'd love to say I've had stellar success this week but I haven't really even tried because of looking after my partner. But tomorrow I have to get him to the doctor and then do some grocery shopping so I will make sure I am armed with healthy foods and remember to take my supplements as well. I'm also hoping to get back into walking again this week. Little steps, I guess. Little steps.
I would love nothing better to be able to say that since I last blogged (which has been AGES) that I have been an example of virtue.
I haven't.
In fact, not only have I fallen off the wagon before I have even started, I am carrying a significant spare tyre to match! A week ago it was my final week of term and final week of exams. On the Monday afternoon I bent down sliiightly...and got a twinge in my back. This was then followed by a cramp in my neck and pain in my leg. This week, my partner got sick. I'm still exhausted from the end of term, I'm stressed and I'm not sleeping because he is snoring because of being sick. Cue quick ready-meals and un-virtuous snacking. The stress of it all is enough to make a girl want to immerse herself in a tall caramel mocha and an apple and blueberry muffin.
But I'm ready to change. What I intend to do in the next two weeks is not do any major MAJOR tweaks, but I will be following the regime of supplements my naturopath suggested to me to give me more energy. Nothing too weird and wonderful, just vitamins and a few herbs to help my system clean itself out. No starving, no gimmicks. And I need to get back into exercise again so I will start with a daily walk.
I think my story is the story of zillions of other young women.
I was always overweight as a child. I was being bullied at school for being bright, but when they ran out of things to make fun of in that respect, they'd pull out their last dig and say: "you're fat!" Well, I was so miserable that this didn't bother me. I had a feeling that even if I were at a healthy weight I'd still be teased for being bright and "weird", so didn't care much about my weight. I had asthma, and so tended to be wrapped in cotton wool when it came to sports, which I was also terrible at. I was pretty much a walking Hollywood movie cliche: the nerdy, loner, fat kid who can't play sports and has trouble making friends.
Things got worse in high school. More bullying, more isolation. In one incident, a so-called 'friend' got me to write in her friendship book, and at the end of the entry we were supposed to draw a self portrait. I just drew a stick figure because I couldn't be bothered drawing anything else. The next time I looked at her friendship book, somebody had taken my stick figure and drawn double chins, a big belly, etc. I was so ashamed. Although I must say, that particular memory serves as motivation when I really can't be bothered exercising!
And I did comfort eat. I'd not eat at school because I knew no matter what I put in my mouth, the girls would all laugh at me and say; "she's fat, what's she eating THAT for?". But then I'd pretty much binge whenever I had the chance. I'd buy a huge bag of chips and a giant block of chocolate and swallow my feelings and loneliness. To make matters worse, in my final year at high school I had a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide. I'd like to say I turned my life around but it would take a few more years for that to happen.
The turning point for me in this whole crazy journey was when I was looking for work and was at my heaviest. I put on a pair of trousers I hadn't worn in a while and my mum said; "oh bubs, you can't wear those...they're too tight." And the tone in her voice was despairing. I suddenly decided that I couldn't wait any longer. I saw a naturopath to deal with my energy issues, and started to eat healthy, counting calories and exercising every day. Within two years I got down to 120lbs/52kg. That sounds quite light, but I'm incredibly short so that is a healthy weight for me. I couldn't believe I'd done it.
But then....I decided to go to university and get my Bachelor of Arts. I was so stressed that healthy eating and exercise went by the wayside and well...you can imagine how things are now. It's not so much the weight that bothers me, but the awful side-effects of not looking after myself- bad skin, tired all the time, my knees hurt from having to support all of that extra weight.
I have lots of reasons to get to goal and to stay there. Firstly, I will be graduating soon and want to enter the workforce looking my best. There is also the little issue of graduation. I want to look radiant and healthy in my photographs! I also have a fitness goal in mind- I want to run the local 5km marathon which is run this time every year. Every year I say I will train for it, every year I fail. This time, I want to get my weight down to make training easier and just DO it.
So this is a new beginning. Bring on the trumpets!
This is my diet blog. I have decided to document my journey, mainly for myself, as a way of keeping sane throughout the process. If others choose to join me in this journey-great! If I can be of support to people who are on this journey with me, even better.
I want to stress from the outset that this is a fad diet-free zone! My reasons for losing weight are mostly for health reasons, and in actual fact the weight loss is less important than getting myself back into regular exercise and healthy eating. It's more an 'added bonus'. I won't say it's not a tempting bonus, I know I'd love to get back into my skinny jeans again, but I have early onset osteoporosis and I can guarantee that my cholesterol is off the charts right now. So I want to be fit, healthy, full of energy and well again! You won't see me doing something ridiculous like the cabbage soup diet, or exercising to exhaustion. Nor will you see me dying to be ridiculously thin. I like my curves!
No, this is mostly a path back to greater wellness. It's also a way to explore some of the issues behind my emotional eating. So if you want to come on this journey- all aboard! You are most welcome.
